I spent years and I mean YEARS trying to look a certain way. I told myself if I could just lose weight I would then be able to love myself and not stress or have anxiety about how I look.

No matter how much weight I lost it wasn’t good enough. I just needed to lose a few more pounds. When I finally reached my ‘goal weight’ I would be disappointed that the self-hatred was still there so I just fixated on every single imperfection. I became obsessed with every single roll (which at the time was just skin, we all have some form of a roll when we sit). I was obsessed with that fact I didn’t have an hour-glass figure.

Every time I walked passed a mirror I would wonder why my boobs weren’t bigger or my butt rounder. I would then punish myself with food, whether it be binge eating or restricting what I ate. I didn’t even know what it meant to have a healthy relationship with food.

This year I finally let a lot of that go. It only happened after talking to a therapist and being open with my struggle. I was embarrassed to admit how much I obsessed with body image and food and I didn’t want anyone to know. Talking about it took so much stress off me and we were able to work though why I obsessed and what I could start doing to change my thinking.

I am by no means completely recovered from this kind of thinking but I no longer punish myself with food and I allow myself to listen to my body cues. I am developing a much healthier way of viewing myself and in turn a healthier mindset.