Let’s set something straight: people-pleasing and being kind to people are two very different things. It could be hard to know the distinction between the two because they both seem like a nice trait at first. But the motivation and the feeling you get after trying to please people versus genuinely being kind are poles apart.
Is it kindness or people-pleasing?
It can be tempting to go above and beyond to make everyone happy, but it’s important to understand the distinction. People-pleasing can leave you feeling exhausted and unfulfilled because it’s like putting on a show, constantly seeking validation from others. When you’re trying to please others, you make sure that they are happy or satisfied even if deep down you are feeling bad or uncomfortable.
On the other hand, genuine kindness is like a ripple effect of warm fuzzies. When you genuinely care about others, it emanates from within and spreads like a confetti of positivity. It’s about being who you truly are and extending a helping hand without expecting anything in return.
People-pleasing can be hurtful
While it might seem like a noble intention, people-pleasing can be quite hurtful to the doer. Why? Well, when you constantly put the needs and desires of others before your own, you risk losing sight of your own boundaries and authenticity. It can leave you feeling drained, stressed, and even resentful because you are neglecting your own well-being in the pursuit of making others feel good.
People-pleasing often stems from the desire to be liked and accepted. It’s also used to avoid conflict and keep the peace. But while the motivation could be good, the results often backfire. Always prioritizing the approval of others will set you up for disappointment. It creates a cycle of seeking validation, fearing rejection, and sacrificing your authentic self! You’ll be stuck in a never-ending loop trying to meet everyone’s demands and losing yourself in the process.
Kindness upholds boundaries
On the flip side, kindness is all about looking after and honoring yourself. It is an expression of oneself. Genuine kindness stems from a place of empathy, compassion, and an honest desire to make a positive impact. When you are kind, you don’t have to worry about being accepted or recognized for what you are doing.
Moreover, kindness means valuing your boundaries and not betraying yourself. It is a reflection of your self-worth and your ability to help others. There is no resentment, no regrets. It aligns you with your values, strengthens your sense of self, and brings joy and fulfillment to your life. You get to uplift others while also nourishing your soul.
So how do you stop people-pleasing? Here are three ways that you can do it:
Understand Why You Are Doing It
Knowing the reasons behind your people-pleasing tendencies is a crucial part of putting an end to this behavior. Have a little heart-to-heart talk with yourself. Are you doing it to avoid conflict? Do you fear not being liked? Are you afraid of disappointing others? Explore your reasons then address them. Armed with this self-awareness, you can rise above those old patterns and make choices that truly honor your authentic self.
Set Boundaries like a Boss
Take charge of your own happiness by setting boundaries. Understand that your needs and desires are just as important as anyone else’s. Start by identifying what truly matters to you and establish clear limits on how much you’re willing to compromise. Practice assertiveness, communicate your boundaries with grace, and don’t be afraid to say “no” when necessary. Remember to protect your time and energy!
Be Kind to Your Beautiful Self
Practice self-compassion and let your true self shine. When you wholeheartedly embrace self-love, it becomes a powerful shield against the need for external validation. By recognizing your own worth, celebrating your unique qualities, and cherishing the amazing person you are, you build an unshakable foundation of confidence. You no longer rely on others’ approval to feel good about yourself. Remember, when your cup is full, you’ll have more to give to others without compromising your own well-being.
Set yourself free from your people-pleasing tendencies and learn to be kinder not just to others, but to yourself too!
